BFF’s dad* shared this the other day and I love it! I’m republishing this lesson from a stress management seminar almost verbatim here. It reminds me of the physics formula we learned in high school “work equals force applied over distance,” or W = F x d. Here, we see a similar equation for emotional stress, S = W x t. Simply divide your “S” by “t” to decrease your “W”, you know?

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience. [She carried] a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’….. she fooled them all… “How heavy is this glass of water?”, she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night… pick them up tomorrow.”

Put them down early, pick them up tomorrow… or may I even suggest, “Never pick them up.” Yes, that’s right – some stress is so pointless that you should just leave it in the trash bin. Occasionally, I purge my “to do” list, purposing that not only will I not do that thing today, but in fact, it never needs to be done! Very freeing.

Today, I leave you with a little musical reminder to lay down your burdens, courtesy Mac Rebennack, aka Dr. John.

*Source is Sarah Clark, via Pastor Terrye Williams, via Bill Bonner.

Little Dude has been complaining about play therapy for the past few weeks. In fact, ever since our first therapist moved, so perhaps he misses the first gal more than he let on. On one hand, I don’t care if he complains, because he is complaining about the part which I think is therapeutic, and no one can argue with his progress, so complain away, little buddy! On the other hand, it’s not really to anyone’s benefit if he hates the thing that’s supposed to be helping him. Continue reading →

Kinder, gentler consequences

Ah, consequences: good to see you again, old friend! Seriously, I would say that my entire parenting style was built around consequences (good and bad), and I’ve had a hard time in our ADOPTS training because it often seems like consequences are frowned upon. However, it is okay to have consequences – just proceed with caution. Why? Because it’s darned easy to have a consequence become a trigger when you are dealing with an adopted and/or traumatized child. Continue reading →

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: in many ways, I’m trying to teach my son things that I myself do not know how to do! Last week in ADOPTS, we got some teaching about how to recognize when Little Dude is dysregulated. In layman’s terms: a meltdown. I felt a little let down, because I don’t feel a need to know how to recognize it so much as how to cope with it! As such, I was delighted to get this week’s hand-out: Developing Regulation Skills. Even more delighted because I could use a little help keeping my own feelings (and temper) in check. Continue reading →

We got an article in this week’s ADOPTS training about how to understand when and how children are triggered. I was actually kind of excited, because this happens a lot for us. Imagine my disappointment when the article explains “why,” but not “what to do”! *sigh* Luckily, part 2 came along the next week, giving more instruction about what to do. Continue reading →

This topic is closely related to the previous article about helping children cope with change, because a family ritual is like a more weighty version of a family routine, and routines help to minimize and cope with change. Routines are comforting when other things are changing! Continue reading →

They say that only a baby likes change, and that’s true… as far as it goes, i.e. diapers only. Most kids are just like the rest of us, maybe worse: they don’t like change. Especially if it’s a “good to bad” change such as from play-time to bed-time! …and especially if they’ve been traumatized, in which change often results in chaos, or adopted, in which change can mean loss. Here are a few examples: Continue reading →

In my research on open adoption, I came across this article from the US Department of Child Welfare: Openness in Adoption. I found it short, but still comprehensive, and well-balanced. I would recommend it as a good article for friends and family if they are unfamiliar with the whys and wherefores* of open adoption.

One section of the article that I particularly want to highlight is the section they have labeled, “What issues are still unresolved?” It has become a pet peeve of mine in this process when some articles and adoptive professionals have presented open adoption in an overly optimistic light, and I appreciate that this article gives some space for things that still have to be worked out in this process.
Continue reading →

Our ADOPTS counselors encourage us to become detectives of our children’s feelings. My mind wanders… I wonder if I am more of a Sherlock Holmes: freakishly intuitive… Sure-Mom Holmes? Perhaps I’m like Columbo, appearing to be a bumbler, but turning around at the last minute with a piercingly accurate question… Co-Mom-bo! Or maybe like the Pink Panther: truly a bumbler, but occasionally stumbling upon the right solution in spite of myself! (Inspector Momseau). If you’ve been doing this for any length of time, you know the answer: all of the above, depending on the day! Continue reading →

The following are snippets from various studies a about open adoption, including what works and what doesn’t, from birth and adoptive parents’ perspectives. It is not complete, per se, but only things that stuck out to myself and my adoption. That’s the beauty of a blog – you don’t have to be fully objective, though I try. However, if you don’t find this to be sufficient or applicable, check out the link at the end, where you can find the full text of these and more articles. Continue reading →